The Aftermath of our referral...

So many emotions have happened since we received our referral a little over a week ago. I went from so excited...barely slept the 1st few days..stared at his picture non stop (getting a little better as the days go by with that)...then tuned to teary a few days later. I have to say that until we got "the call" I was a nervous mess...especially the days just before because I felt it coming...and now a sense of calmness has come over me. I am sooo grateful that I know who he is...what he has been through..and can look at his beautiful face and see the biggest smile in all his pictures! He has had it very very hard..and through all that he inspires me to take nothing for granted. So I am content at this point knowing that one day I will bring him home. I am soo praying it's before rainy season because I can barely let my mind go to the place to even consider that may not happen. But if it doesn't I have to be honest and say that I will be a mess but will find strength in the Lord that he will continue to take care of him as he has until I can get to him.
Until our referral I was so focused on me getting our referral..me..me..me but now I am focusing on the families that tried to make it though court this week. Sadly many weren't able to pass and my prayers are that they get united quickly. I want a court date and so pray for that many times a day. But God has been so so good to our family and our Jaden has shown such strength in his little life already that I feel that I can't obsess over when I get the call for our court date. So many families are waiting on the referrals and would love to be in my position and I know that and am appreciative of where I am in the process.
I have to say to everyone waiting that now that I am here I want to say that everything really is in God's hands and will happen at the perfect time. I want to share what I realized this past week. When trying to get on the wait list I was rushing everything as fast as possible. We did it all in exactly 2 months so that tells you how crazy I was during that process. I felt such a strong need to hit the list as fast as possible. I was overnighting everything FedEx to speed things up and at the very end my social workers agency sent my home study to our dossier company without the certification of their agency and I remember being in tears...completely a mess that now I was going to be stalled a few more days until she could get that and now someone may hit the list before us. And they did. One family asking for a boy in the same age range and God thankfully but this roadblock in the way so that we ended up with our son we were supposed to have. One look at his photo and I knew..my husband knew..and our family..that he was our son we were meant to have...that God created the obstacle to get us on the list exactly where were to be. I see the other children that have been referred and am in awe..touched..and love to read about them. And then we saw our son and you just know to the core of who you are....he is truly the one!!
I am an typical woman with a good life, wonderful family and a great job. I have friends and function in society as most others and am not a person who typically brings up religion much. But this process has changed me forever. I have always believed. Without a doubt and have always had a relationship with God. Always. But never like this...never have I seen him talk to me so clearly and show me in so many ways that he is hearing me and walking beside me always...and for that I am so grateful!!

Referral Day!!!

I am so beside myself.... I have to warn anyone reading that this will be a very religious post. First off my son is 17 months old and is stunningly handsome, smiling in all of his pictures (wish there were more) and we were instantly in love! That being said sadly he was brought to the care center at 12 months old and was only 13 lbs. So sad. He has gained almost 10 pounds since then,Dec 29th, and 2 1/2 inches since then though. He has pneumonia and has had it several times which makes me worry when I let myself go there. Please..please pray for him.
So now for the last few weeks. As you see from my last post I was so excited last Monday when I saw a family just before us on the wait get their referral. I was on a high and stalked my phone like crazy. I have always been religious but though this process I have become closer with God and the more I pray and ask him for signs and help through this the more he does for me. Right at the time Jeff and I decided to adopt in Dec it was when he turned one and then was shortly sent to the center. I have been praying so much since last Monday and then got sad come the weekend and Mother's Day not knowing when this would happen. Then I just had this overwhelming feeling it was our time. I started telling everyone I knew the call was coming and it was going to be any day. Then I get a call yesterday from Gladney and about lost it! BUT it wasn't my case worker, it was Ryan Brown calling people on the wait list to talk about how hard that is and asked me if I had any questions. "Yeah, I do...does this mean that I am not getting my referral today? I really feel this is the day..is this a joke?? Do you know something??" He tells me he doesn't know anything and to expect the worst for a wait and then if it's sooner be excited. No no no. I told him I always hope for the best...put it out there ...and it does come true and so will this. As much as we laughed on the phone an hr later I found myself in tears. Was he trying to tell me it wasn't happening and now I won't get a chance at court before rainy season? I was a mess. Called everyone (they thought I had a referral cuz I told them I knew it was happening) and told them I was scared God was letting me know to brace myself for a long wait.
So I watched my churches service on line last night (love to do that) to see what message he was preaching. When I do this it is always about what I am struggling with. I was having all day prayers with God to please get us our referral quickly and then the next second telling him if it isn't his will then to give me patience to get through the wait. This is over and over and over...day after day after day. I laugh because God must love all the attention i have been giving him!
Back to the sermon. It was about Prayer. And to not give up on prayer. To have that relationship with God and to pray hard and not to give up! That he hears you and in his perfect timing you will get what you want (and although you are asking you will be surprised when he grants you it).
So then I decided that i will pray non stop until the end of May if need be to get our referral so we have a shot at rainy season. So last night unit midnight and then first thing this morning...prayed prayed prayed. The entire time I was working out I prayed non stop. I told my son that today was our day to get info about his brother..I just knew it. Then at 11:40 I am driving by my husbands school where he teaches and wondering if I should surprise him for lunch and my phone rings again from Gladney. I say Hello sooo slowww cuz I want this to be it and not some follow up conversation with Ryan (no offense). And she says yes it our referral!! Are you kidding me?? That's what I kept saying. I am heading to see my husband and its perfect timing because he's about to have his lunch break. He coaches football until 6pm so this has been a worry that we get the call and I can't get to him.
Perfect timing...perfect timing. Now the final part of our perfect timing will be if we bring him home this summer because he is off for 2 months--perks of being a teacher--and it would be wonderful bonding time for all of us because I am taking maternity leave.
God is amazing...he is real...he loves each and everyone and we won't always get what we want but when he does grant us such gifts I want him to get all the credit!!!
I am soo in love my our new son:):)

Timing

This adoption process in regards to the timing is driving me batty. I am person that loves control..planning..and routines. However when we started this process in December they told me that it would be a 3 to 6 month wait for a referral and then about 4 to 6 weeks until you travel. Then 2 months later when we hit the wait list it moved to a 6 to 8 month wait and 3 to 6 months to travel. I was okay with that and mentally was ready to really have to have patience during quite the wait. Then 2 months into waiting they said that its around 4 months for a child over 12 months (we are asking up to 24 months) and then all of a sudden I started to feel a little more impatient. Then last Monday I found out that a family that hit the list 2 days before us got their referral a month ago and it gave me this super high on life feeling. Also I have been watching a few families get their referral in April, pass court and then travel all within a month. So then now I think could that be me and I could be holding my son that soon?? Or am I going to be the one that waits months more and then get stuck in court and not bring home home for almost another year... these are two such drastic scenarios that are perfectly normal in this process. Gladney has been amazing and I so appreciate their updates and wouldn't ever want to be going though this with any other agency. Also, I really believe that it's all in God's perfect timing and I can't will this to move faster. That being said the reality is that it could be in a month (although not likely but defiantly possible) or months and months from now. How does anyone handle this?? Really because I need to know. I haven't shopped much (I did get a crib from a neighbor that was never used) because I don't know how old and I don't want to have everything sitting here for too long. So what was a true high on Monday has turned into complete frustration and disappointment on Saturday. So I have decided to just go back to moving along as if it's going to be awhile before I get the call but then why do I check my cell phone hundreds of times through out the day!

Bush Gardens Spring Break

So Excited

So I have felt this overwhelming feeling over the past few days that we are getting close to receiving our referral even though we are still a week shy of the 3 month mark. The average wait for a child over 12 months is 4 months so I figured that we are at least getting closer. Well yesterday while eating lunch at work I jumped on the Gladney website to see if there were any blogs that weren't on the FBI list that showed speedy referrals and I couldn't believe what I saw! The second one I read was of a family that hit the wait list the Thursday before we did on Monday...they had received their referral on April 6th (which was less than a 2 month wait) for a 21 month old boy (we are asking for up to 24 months). How many families could be between us in the 2 day span and it has been a month since they got their referral! I am so charged that I can hardly concentrate.... just praying, praying and more praying right now.